How many times have we told ourselves that we "should" have done something? Whether it be, "I should be able to get more work done" or "I should be able to cope". I used "should" all the time until I realized how bad I felt when I said it or someone else said it to me. For me, the word "should" is an agent of judgment and shame. In fact, the Oxford Dictionary states the definition of "should" as: "Used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone else's actions". Wow! What a negative implication this word has and I hear it being used all the time. Today I would like to discuss with you my theory of the Anti-Should Revolution and how it helps me to be a better person and entrepreneur.
Enabler of Shame
For me, the word "should" is an enabler of shame. Just by saying it, I feel as if you have already told yourself that you are not good enough. You have not met your own or some else's expectations. In my opinion, "Should" prevents us from accepting our reality. It makes us focus on what we haven't accomplished instead of what we have. This seems to give "should" a very negative connotation and doesn't do anything to support our endeavors.
Someone Else's Ideal
I have found that by saying the word "should" I am already admitting that I am not going to do it. For instance, "I should go to the gym today". I feel as if this is something I should do, yet I am saying that I probably will not. It represents a world of someone else's ideal. If it was my ideal, I would be doing it. I, for one, have no interest in trying to live up to someone else's ideal.
Sets Off Our Rebellious Nature
I, like I have found that most entrepreneurs are, am rebellious by nature. I can't help it, it is in my genes. The minute you tell me I have to do something, I either don't want to do it or I want to do exactly the opposite. I do not like to be told what to do. For me, the word "should" sends off alarms and ignites my rebellious nature. This is true for me, whether I say it to myself or it is someone else who says it to me. I needed an alternative to express myself.
What Am I Trying to Say?
I do my best to avoid the word "should". Instead, I try to ask myself, what am I actually trying to say? How can I turn this from a negative to a positive encouragement? For instance, "I should exercise" has negative implications. Just by thinking it, I already feel as if I am not good enough. A better alternative is to say, "I really like the feeling of sore muscles from exercising". This identifies what I really want and is encouraging at the same time.
What is the Weight on You?
What is the weight that you have on you? The things that you feel you need to be doing right now are the things that you "should" be doing. Do not should on yourself or others. If you are not doing something, maybe it isn't yours right now and something else is calling out stronger. Don't let "should" weigh on you because it is someone else's vision of success. Adopting the Anti-should revolution has helped me to feel better about myself and focus more on what I am accomplishing and less on what I haven't.